June 18, 2016
(Babe, I’m So Proud of You)
These are five words that completely alter my day when Jillian shares them with me. And if I’m being honest…though I try to downplay its effect…those five words synchronized into one phrase often mean everything to me. When it comes to my love language; words of affirmation are central in my heart. I’m passionate about words. Words are powerful. In fact, God thought so highly of words that He used them to not only bring the universe into existence, but to reveal Himself to me and you. Words bring about revelation; how fascinating! Make no mistake, taking action emphatically matters to me…but for the most part, I just need to know that my wife thinks highly of me… particularly in areas where I’m exhausted.
One vivid memory that comes to mind occurred on a late evening about six months ago…it was Christmas. I was having a terrible week physically due to my condition and spent most of Christmas Eve bent over in pain. Well let me tell you, that meant very little to my six-year-old son Ayden’s “National Emergency” level demands. He fully expected my unequivocal participation in every moment of the Christmas festivities. Although the burning pain oozing down my spine was unbearable, there were more important things to concern myself with…like noticing how awesome he played his new video game…or his 25th request to watch him run down the hallway with his new fast shoes.
After all expectations had been met, I began the long crawl to my bed; only to be met by my beautiful daughter’s gentle whisper. She longed for my attention outdoors. With high emotional intelligence she reasoned with me,
Just for a little bit daddy… I know you’re hurting..
So I went… outside I went to watch her strut her new outfit while singing the popular musical from the Frozen movie called “Let It Go”. That song is very catchy, but at this point I submit that the CIA should use it as cruel and unusual torture punishment when interrogating people. Nonetheless this made her heart happy so I pressed onward. And so the day went. As the evening came to a close and all hearts involved had been satisfied; I made my way to the bedroom…exhausted…hurting…and feeling utterly empty. I rested my head on the massage table that has become my sleeping chamber. Gazing upwards at the ceiling for more hours per day then I’d like to concede; my heart began to fail. Immediately, Jillian entered the room and came by my side and sat next to me. With a tone that seemed gift wrapped from the Lord; she said,
Babe, I’m so proud of you
In that very moment, I had received what I did not know I needed. Fathers are often oblivious to their own needs until that need has been satisfied. And though my body continued to torment me…and exhaustion continued its course; my heart had been lifted! My wife…the one whose opinion truly matters to me, had taken notice of my sacrifice…my love offering…to not only her, but our children. Knowing that she recognized my efforts meant the world to me! When I heard that phrase from her…for the moment, it didn’t matter what present difficulty I was undertaking; I felt victorious. Why? Because godly men sacrifice for their families. Ephesians 5:25. I wonder how many men feel the same way I do. I wonder how many men are tired, drained, feel defeated, and just need someone to look them in the eye and say,
I’m so proud of you. Keep going. You’re doing great!
Words cannot adequately express the significance of letting your husband or father know how proud you are of them. To the wives and children I say to you: Always remember, husbands and fathers will often feel most loved when someone affirms them. For that reason we are extra sensitive to helpful words directed towards us as well as harmful words that pierce us.
(I Forgive You)
Receiving the gift of forgiveness can be the difference between a man holding his head high with pride as opposed to low with sorrow. THIS JUST IN: We actually care about not only what our wives and children say to others but more importantly what they actually think about us.
A couple years into our marriage, Jillian and I were navigating a difficult season within our relationship. Growing up as a certifiable “mama’s boy,” I hadn’t fully transitioned or cleaved to my wife like I should have. She was doing an amazing job mothering our firstborn son Ayden. Like most loving families, seemingly everyone knew what was best for our new family. They offered their “opinion” on anything and everything connected to our little bundle of joy. You see, there are some very strong personalities among the women on my side of the family. Each mean well, but can unknowingly be overwhelming.
I’ll never forget my wife nervously attempting to navigate the conversation head on. We were on our customary “date night” experience at a local restaurant. The conversation had flowed naturally but I could tell something was heavily pressing on her heart. You see, there’s something you have to understand about Jillian. She loves me so deeply and respects me so profoundly that she took great care as she broached the conversation. In other words, she placed her own desires secondary to her husband’s authority and desires… sound familiar? As the conversation continued, she revealed her frustration with not being supported by me when it came to her requests for our little baby boy.
To be honest, she wasn’t asking for much really… just for me to support her within a few areas that were a real priority within her heart. Being the “fantastic” husband that I am; I responded both unlovingly and immaturely. Basically, I proceeded to bloviate about her need to be thankful for having great women in her life that wanted to help her etc. I could see it in her eyes… the hurt… the confusion of why her husband refused to support her. Not having my support in decisions when she was at the occasional odd with her in-laws deeply affected our marriage and trust in me. And she had every right to feel that way….
A couple years into our marriage, Jillian and I were navigating a difficult season within our relationship. Growing up as a certifiable “mama’s boy,” I hadn’t fully transitioned or cleaved to my wife like I should have. She was doing an amazing job mothering our firstborn son Ayden. Like most loving families, seemingly everyone knew what was best for our new family. They offered their “opinion” on anything and everything connected to our little bundle of joy. You see, there are some very strong personalities among the women on my side of the family. Each mean well, but can unknowingly be overwhelming.
I’ll never forget my wife nervously attempting to navigate the conversation head on. We were on our customary “date night” experience at a local restaurant. The conversation had flowed naturally but I could tell something was heavily pressing on her heart. You see, there’s something you have to understand about Jillian. She loves me so deeply and respects me so profoundly that she took great care as she broached the conversation. In other words, she placed her own desires secondary to her husband’s authority and desires… sound familiar? As the conversation continued, she revealed her frustration with not being supported by me when it came to her requests for our little baby boy.
To be honest, she wasn’t asking for much really… just for me to support her within a few areas that were a real priority within her heart. Being the “fantastic” husband that I am; I responded both unlovingly and immaturely. Basically, I proceeded to bloviate about her need to be thankful for having great women in her life that wanted to help her etc. I could see it in her eyes… the hurt… the confusion of why her husband refused to support her. Not having my support in decisions when she was at the occasional odd with her in-laws deeply affected our marriage and trust in me. And she had every right to feel that way….
But She Chose to Forgive Me
Over time, I would mature and learn to support Jillian in the manner she both desired and deserved. Boundaries were properly established and my wife’s desires became a priority to me. By the time Ayden’s second birthday had come to pass, our little family had found our groove…and we were content in our support for each other. The transition was difficult, and sometimes my family’s recalcitrant stances were exhausting; but my wife knew without a shadow of a doubt that she was the priority. And though the years would pass; I would often ruminate about how I hurt her throughout that first year. Knowing I could never recreate Ayden’s first year I struggled with guilt. Later on, I would share my sorrow for not supporting her in one of the most precious times in a mother’s life. And when I finally sought repentance before the Lord and her…
She forgave me ….and my love grew for her and our children have been blessed through it!
The power that permeates from authentically offering forgiveness to your father or husband means everything to us. We are more aware of our failures than we let on. I think moms and their children grossly underestimate the power their words bare. If you are a mom or a child reading this post; how I wish I could adequately emphasize just how puissant your gracious act of forgiveness are on your husband/father. It’s tough being a dad. We carry tremendous weight upon our shoulders. The responsibility we feel in our hearts and minds can seemingly swallow us whole at times. But we’re so glad to do it when we feel appreciated. When we make mistakes; particularly when those decisions affect our family, it hurts us… deeply. Choosing to forgive creates a healthy environment for healing.
Truth Nugget: Most men will flee towards areas where they feel most affirmed and accepted. If they feel affirmed at work, they’ll spend most of their time there. If they feel affirmed at home, they’ll gladly leave the office to spend more time with family. And for those who “enjoy” reminding other saints that there validation should come only from the Lord; let me remind you of God’s idea of marriage. Within marriage, husband-and-wife become one… and what you do to your spouse affects the unit… so it goes for your children. So while our ultimate validation should come from the Lord; let us not place unreasonable expectations this weekend on dads who are desiring to be affirmed. Their desire is good and right.
I wonder how many households would look different if the women and children chose to offer these meaningful phrases to dads around the world. What if you did something extraordinarily special for him? Instead of buying dad a grill, golf clubs, or his favorite food; would you consider sharing these phrases with him from your heart? Come on… you can do it… and please do it from your heart… Are you ready? Now go for it-
Truth Nugget: Most men will flee towards areas where they feel most affirmed and accepted. If they feel affirmed at work, they’ll spend most of their time there. If they feel affirmed at home, they’ll gladly leave the office to spend more time with family. And for those who “enjoy” reminding other saints that there validation should come only from the Lord; let me remind you of God’s idea of marriage. Within marriage, husband-and-wife become one… and what you do to your spouse affects the unit… so it goes for your children. So while our ultimate validation should come from the Lord; let us not place unreasonable expectations this weekend on dads who are desiring to be affirmed. Their desire is good and right.
I wonder how many households would look different if the women and children chose to offer these meaningful phrases to dads around the world. What if you did something extraordinarily special for him? Instead of buying dad a grill, golf clubs, or his favorite food; would you consider sharing these phrases with him from your heart? Come on… you can do it… and please do it from your heart… Are you ready? Now go for it-
I’m so proud of you
and
I just want you to know that I forgive you…
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visit the website: MAKING MUCH OF CHRIST MINISTRIES
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TELL US WHAT YOU THINK!
visit the website: MAKING MUCH OF CHRIST MINISTRIES
To learn more about The God who’s ready to walk with you click HERE
TELL US WHAT YOU THINK!
